Saturday, July 24, 2010

Please don't judge !!

Please don't judge !! Unless you have walked a mile in there shoes..
This post was written by Lorraine Patterson:: Christyn Joy Pattersons Mama !!
She writes so well. Thank you Lorraine..I was looking for the right words for the same kind of post. But you have said it so well..So this is some of the post she has on her blog

I want to talk today about disrupted adoptions. Some of you may not even know what that means, and some of you may be way too familiar with this unlovely term. A disrupted adoption occurs when a family adopts a child(ren), either domestically or internationally, and after the adoption is finalized, the adoptive family decides that the adoption is not going to work (for whatever reason), so the adoptive family seeks to find a new home/family for their adopted child(ren). When the adoptive family finds a new family for their child(ren), it is handled as a private adoption, very similarly to the way that a pregnant mother decides to grant her baby a new life, a better life than what she can provide, by giving her baby up for adoption. Disrupted adoptions give adoptees a new shot at life, with a different family who might be able to better meet the child's needs. It is a legal adoption, handled privately (in most cases) between the previous adoptive family and the new adoptive family. Families are not paid, kids are not "sold". It is a legal adoption with a decision that is made in the best interest of the child between the original adoptive family and the new adoptive family.

It saddens me that many people place judgment upon adoption in general. When a young mom gets pregnant and chooses adoption instead of abortion, she will face judgment because others will see her tummy grow larger and place judgment upon her. When a woman is raped and chooses adoption instead of abortion, she will be judged as to why she chose to carry this baby and when she gives the baby up for adoption, those who don't know the baby was a product of rape will judge this capable mother and question why she gave her baby up. For adoptive moms who have poured their hearts, souls, resources, time, prayers, and given all that they have to their adopted child, yet nothing seems to work, she will be judged for giving up her child...or for giving up on her child....or for not loving her child...or whatever others want to think/say about the situation.

The fact is that God created all of us in His image. He created mothers to love their child(ren). It is not easy for any mother to give up her child, no matter what the situation. No matter if the mother is on drugs, is single and can't provide for a baby, is raped, is too young to properly care for a child, or perhaps the child is born with special needs, or maybe the mom is an adoptive mom whose child needs something different than what she can still HURTS to give up the child. It hurts more than any of us who have never been in their shoes will ever know. It is wrong for us to judge the situation and say what we would do if we were in her shoes. The fact is that if we've never been in the same shoes, we have NO idea what this mom feels. We have no idea what type of pain she is in. We have no business placing judgment (ever). We must come alongside the mother who is choosing life for her child, pray for her, encourage her, comfort her, and praise her for choosing life, especially in our culture today where choosing death is the norm.

With disrupted adoptions, it is HARD for others to understand how a child could possibly be on someone's home for a year, two years, three years, sometimes five or mome years, and then all of a sudden the adoptive family decides to "give up" and give the child to a new family. I assure you that because we've never lived in that specific family, we have no idea what that family has gone through that has brought them to a point of having to CHOOSE LIFE and give the child up for adoption to a new family. In most disrupted adoptions, the original adoptive family has worked around the clock to try to bring healing and hope to the child placed in their family. They try everything they know to help the child from reading adoptive books to researching disorders to praying around the clock to therapies to doctors to evaluations to medicines to clinics to residential treatment name it, they've tried it.

But sometimes it's not enough.

Sometimes love is not enough.

Sometimes families have to make the hardest decision they'll ever face: to CHOOSE LIFE for their adoptive child by placing them into the loving hands of our Father God with faith that He has a family chosen for this adoptive child. This is His child. He has a plan to give this child a hope and a future, and sometimes, as painful as it may be, the original adoptive family was only meant to be for a season in this child's life. And the adoptive family loves the child enough to submit to God's will and CHOOSE LIFE for their child.

And I think that this courageous act should be praised instead of judged. I cannot think of anything more difficult than to CHOOSE LIFE for your child by giving him/her up for adoption.

Thank you to all of the families out there who have CHOSEN LIFE for your child. I admire your decision to put your child's needs above your own desires. I admire your ability to recognize that God intended you for a season in your child's life to deliver them on to LIFE. To have the courage to face judgment, when you could choose to hide from judgment through abortion or through keeping your child with you, even when you know that is not what is best for the child, for whatever reason. You did not fail your child. You provided your child with hope at a new life. A life that matters to Him. Thank you for having the courage to CHOOSE LIFE, in a culture of death. As cited in Deuteronomy 3, you have lived a heavy burden. Thank you for choosing to allow God the opportunity to make everything beautiful in its time. I am grateful for your pro-life decision, as you have brought blessings into our lives that we never would have known without your decision of LIFE over death. Thank you.

Deuteronomy 30:19-20a: See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction. For I command you today to love the LORD your God, to walk in his ways, and to keep his commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the LORD your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess.

But if your heart turns away and you are not obedient, and if you are drawn away to bow down to other gods and worship them, I declare to you this day that you will certainly be destroyed. You will not live long in the land you are crossing the Jordan to enter and possess.

This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life...

1 comment:

Molly said...

I imagine that disrupting an adoption is one of the hardest decisions a family must make. I could never add to their pain.